I have been doing a lot of thinking about the gifts of this global pandemic. One of those gifts seems to be that I am taking more time to be self aware.
I mean really, when there’s nobody else here, there’s nothing to distract me, right?
Something that I’ve been thinking a lot about is food triggers. We had a discussion in my doTERRA leaders group a few weeks ago about stockpiling food. Several of the people mentioned that they typically have a couple of years worth of dried and canned foods ahead and a freezer full of meat. Just listening to them talk about their supply, brought up feelings of anxiety in me.
Lesson – what works for some, does not work for all.
Now, you’d think that having a supply of food ahead would give anyone a feeling of security. For me, that’s not the case.
I remember when my kids were teens, their friends would come over and say “What do you guys eat? There’s nothing in your fridge”. We thought this was ridiculous because of course we could come up with lots of meals and snacks and never went hungry, however, when they went to their friends houses, the fridges were overflowing!
It wasn’t until I started doing pantry cleanouts with clients that I realized I’m weird about this and it wasn’t until I had time to think about it over the last few weeks that I realized my food triggers around this.
Still with me? Have any idea why someone would feel anxious with extra food around them? Maybe you can relate and you know where I’m going.
You see, I have a parent who’s bulimic.
In my childhood home, pantries were BUILT to accommodate copious amounts of food. We were a family of 4 and always had at least 2 huge chest freezers of food in the basement. We had closets of food and 2 refrigerators filled with food at all times. Our lives revolved around food and or what the ‘diet of the day’ was.
Food, for me, is not comforting. It’s anything but. When I’m surrounded by it, I get nervous. I actually do eat my way through it to get it out of my site, and that, my friends, scares the hell out of me.
Isn’t that fascinating? It is to me. Honestly, I never realized it until now. I always just thought that I liked things to be neat and tidy and that the clutter stressed me out. Turns out, it’s more than that. So much more. The child inside of me feels all of this excess is a threat to her safety.
This time at home has given me the space to process some of this and to sit with it. I’m not likely to change it but to understand it is freeing.
I’ll be honest with you, I’m being challenged right now when grocery pick up can only be done occasionally and I’m not free to stop by the grocery store for small orders 2-3 times a week. I didn’t even really realize that I did that before now.
Isn’t that fascinating?
I tell ya, I could sit back and examine my triggers all day long and not run out of quirky things about me! The gift here is to love and forgive and accept ourselves. Triggers and all.
ps- Almond Breeze would not normally be my brand of choice! It’s what’s available to me now.